"Mirror"

In the army one tends to hide one's feelings. If shown then one seems weak. Was it worth it for for me? I don't know. This question will be answered throughout my life.

In the Army it seemed that they did not want me to be human. A soldier is what they demanded and wanted, not excuses. So, I became a soldier without really knowing the transformation happening within me. Wish I could have known about the transformation. I would have wanted more. Can't be explained, but one feels it inside. One is forever different. I am no longer Bosco, he's the saint that's keeping an eye out for me. Now, I am Jerez.

Can't really complaint because infantrymen don't complaint, but I know what I experienced. The good about life and the shit for the dead. "shit, why him?" then a moment of silence would blanket my mind. A sad voice inside my head answered, "shit, I don't know" The thoughts I had in war with a empty heart. On the other hand, The only loud voice the guys heard coming from me was "better him then me." But, that wasn't the full sentence I heard in my mind. "Better him then me, I'm still in fucking Mosul."

So, basically the time I have left on earth will lead to the full understanding of the soldier I was once. Back then one did not think of the future, sure they might have talked about it but one knew not to cry over spilled milk. Hope hurts, it can make one go crazy in war. It almost got me.